The Epic Rivalry Between Sasagawa Kyoko and Sawada Tsunayoshi
by Dandelion-san
Summary: Or the one where Tsuna can cook really, really, really well. (A crackish drabble-like series with no real plot. Canon AU, mostly gen)
1. Chapter 1

**The Epic Rivalry Between Sasagawa Kyoko and Sawada Tsunayoshi**

_**by, Dandelion-san**_

* * *

_1: This is a declaration of war!_

* * *

Most people assumed it started with Sasagawa Ryohei.

Their guess wasn't too far off the mark, but it actually started with Hibari Kyoya.

See, Tsuna used to have a crush on Sasagawa Kyoko who had a really pretty smile and was always nice to him. Being a bullied young child, the crush was kind of inevitable and the beginning of adoration was already stirring in his fragile child heart.

Until one day when he witnessed her giving the leftovers of her home-made bento to Hibari-senpai to bribe him into letting her brother go. Hibari-senpai had hesitated before accepting the bribe with a grave face.

It was unforgiveable.

Clutching the wall he was hiding behind so hard that his knuckles turned white, he narrowed his eyes and _glared_ (he didn't know this, but his eyes also flashed orange and a wisp of an orange flame appeared on his head).

_The only one who can give food to Hibari-senpai…._Tsuna straightened up and walked away with a thunderous expression. _….Is me! _

He admitted to himself later that he probably could have handled the situation better. But by then, it was too late.

"Ano… Ryohei-senpai?" The next day had Tsuna approaching an older white-haired boy who was waiting outside for his sister.

Ryohei blinked owlishly before grinning widely and pumping his fists in the air. "Sawada! Is there something you extremely need?"

Tsuna looked down and shuffled his feet shyly. "U-um… I-I…" He let himself jump when a strong hand clasped onto his shoulder.

"Don't be extremely scared!" Ryohei gave him a thumbs up. "You look like you want something to the extreme!"

With a look of determination, Tsuna shoved a bento box in his head. Face burning red, he blurted out, "It's for you! Because you chased the bullies away from me the other day…" (He felt a little guilty at using the excuse, but it was _convenient_).

Ryohei, of course, accepted it excitedly and opened it. "IT IS AN EXTREME BENTO, SAWADA!" he roared. "But I would help you out any day, lunch or no lunch!" He took a large bite anyways. Tsuna laughed shyly behind his hand. Ryohei looked a little like a squirrel with his cheeks puffed out.

Then his eyes bulged out in a humorous way as he swallowed reverently.

"Did you like it?" Tsuna inquired brightly. "I made it myself." He could see Kyoko coming to them in the corner of his eye.

Ryohei took a deep breath. And then: "TO THE EXTREEEEEEME!" he screamed and there were literal _tears _in his eyes. Tsuna saw Kyoko froze and he smiled. _Plan is a success…_ "SAWADA. YOU COOK BETTER THAN MY SISTER."He hugged Tsuna who squeaked at the sudden action. "FROM NOW ON, CALL ME ONII-SAN. THIS IS THE BEST LUNCH EVER."

Kyoko dropped her backpack. And Tsuna turned his head, ever so slightly, and looked at her dead in the eyes.

And smirked victoriously.

* * *

During class the next day, everyone froze in shock when Kyoko (sweet, nice, kind) stomped up to Tsuna's desk and threw an oven mitt on it. Ignoring the teacher's splutters, she pointed at him with her right hand and the other on her hips.

"This is _war_, Tsuna-kun," she snarled uncharacteristically. "You just _crossed the line_, yesterday." (She saw this on TV once - the characters looked very cool)

Tsuna was frowning, and he accepted the oven mitt with a grim expression. "You started it in the first place," he said quietly. He narrowed his eyes and sneered coldly. "Because I'm the only one who gets to feed Hibari-senpai."

"Oh hoh? So you were jealous?"

The elementary class could only watch petrified as lightning seemed to flash between their normally docile classmates.

"K-kids," their sensei tried to calm them and flinched when she was pinned with a deadly glare that shouldn't have been so frightening coming from _children_.

"_Stay out of it!"_ They both shouted and went back to arguing.

Tsuna said, "I wasn't _jealous_. I felt sorry for Hibari-senpai because he had to taste your disgusting bento!"

"Oh yeah? Well, Hibari-senpai _ate_ my _disgusting_ bento, and guess what?! He liked it!" Kyoko stomped her feet. Tsuna stood up and slammed his hands down on his desk.

"Ryohei – I mean, _onii-san_ – said that _my_ bento was better than _yours_, so I guess I still cook better than you!"

"DON'T CALL HIM THAT, HE'S _MY _ONII-CHAN."

"I CAN CALL HIM THAT WHENEVER I WANT."

"Ts-Tsuna-kun, K-Kyoko-chan?"

And then Tsuna threw down the oven mitt once again. "THIS IS WAR," he shouted.

"FINE," Kyoko screamed back.

"FINE."

"BOTH OF YOU, PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE," their sensei finally shrieked.

* * *

It was the beginning of the weirdest rivalry that Namimori had ever seen.

(It was also the day that Hibari learned true fear)

* * *

_A/N: (I had this sudden urge for a cooking AU.) _

_I wasn't really fond of Kyoko in the manga because she seemed too much like a flat character. I started liking her better in the Future Arc when she became somewhat more involved in the story line. _

_ So both Tsuna and Kyoko will be OOC in this... well at least toward each other. _

_Also, this will not be a KyokoxTsuna pairing! I repeat, this **will not** be a KyokoxTsuna pairing!  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: By the way, these chapters aren't in any particular time order._

* * *

_2: All I did was say that his food was good and now he keeps following me everywhere!_

* * *

Hibari Kyoya and Sawada Tsunayoshi were best friends.

…Or actually, it was Hibari who was Tsuna's "friend", and Tsuna was the weird herbivore that kept following Hibari around (of whom no amount of tonfa beating could drive him away for too long).

"Hibari-senpai! Wait for me!"

"Tch." Hibari sighed and slowed down so the fluffy-haired herbivore could catch up. It was the end of the day and he was walking around the school-yard, making sure that no delinquents were nearby.

He wasn't usually kind, but threatening to bite Tsuna to death lost its appeal when the younger just beamed and looked at him with sparkling eyes ("_You're still hungry? I have another bento!)_. When he actually _did_ bite him to death, Tsuna would shake in fear and look at him with watery hurt eyes, and Hibari felt like he was bullying a small rabbit.

Tsunayoshi also made good food. Like, really good food which was another reason why he let him hang around (their first meeting came to mind and Hibari wiped that away almost as instantly, that never happened, _that never happened)._

"Hibari-senpai…" Tsuna finally caught up with him and grabbed his arm, leaning over and panting in exertion.

"Let go," Hibari snapped, trying to pull away. He almost took a step back when Tsuna finally looked up with a sweet smile. What… what was up with this killing intent?

"Hibari-senpai," Tsuna repeated and stood up straight, hands still on his arm. "The other day, Kyoko-chan gave you her lunch."

The dark haired child blinked. Ah yes, he remembered that. Her older brother had gotten into a fight with several other herbivores and he had beaten them all up for disrupting the peace. When the Sasagawa girl had found them, she'd offered her lunch for him to let her brother go. He'd accepted (no need to waste food) – and had beaten his white-haired classmate up anyways.

He narrowed his eyes, remembering another tidbit of information. "Do you have a problem with that?" he asked coolly. "I know you have affections for that girl. No need to worry; I have no such herbivorous feelings." He shrugged Tsuna's hands away and turned to leave. He stumbled when the other child lunged forward, hugging his arm back to his chest.

"That's not what I wanted to talk about, senpai," Tsuna chirped, eyes curling into cheerful slits and dragging Hibari to a more secluded part of the courtyard.

Somewhere in Hibari's head, the primal part of his nature was screaming, 'DANGER DANGER', but he only frowned and ignored the warnings.

"What do you want," Hibari demanded. "Stop wasting my time, herbivore."

It suddenly felt as if his arm was being squeezed by a hungry boa constrictor.

"I'm not happy," Tsuna said, his large eyes widening innocently. "Because I wanted to be the only to feed senpai." He finally let Hibari's arm go and dug into his backpack, pulling out a rather large bento. "So I made you some food!"

Hibari scoffed and turned away. "I already ate," he replied coldly. "I'll eat tomorrow. Now I have animals to discipline." He sneered, tonfas already in hand.

Tsuna's eyes turned to ice and his smile dropped. He pushed the box into Hibari's chest. "_Eat_, senpai," he said softly and in a very chilling tone. "_Now._"

Ah. There it was again. That strong killing intent… which was being emitted by Tsuna, who was staring hard at Hibari's face. Where was the trembling little rabbit? Where was the bullied little animal made of marshmallow fluff and tears?

The grip on Hibari's tonfa tightened and a smirk started to spread across his face. How interesting. Perhaps all that before was just an act.

A blur suddenly came off to the side and he jumped back, avoiding the attack. When he looked down – to his surprise – three chopsticks were impaled to the ground right between him and Tsunayoshi.

"….." He looked to the direction of where they were thrown.

Several wooden chopsticks were in Kyoko's hands.

"Nice dodge, senpai!" she praised as she walked towards them with the grace of a predator. She smiled sharply in Tsuna's direction.

Tsuna scoffed and set his bento box down near his feet. "Chopsticks… really?" He toed the utensils in front of him.

The intensity of their glare almost brought Hibari down to his knees. But he didn't. He wasn't weak – he was _not_, so how -

"Like you could do better," Kyoko said, twirling a chopstick in one hand. "Anyways, I just came here to ask Hibari-senpai a question." Hibari almost flinched when the two's attention turned to him.

"Speak," he finally managed to get out. Was his herbivore reading meter off? How could he have missed them? These two were not herbivores. They were something else. Carnivores? But no. Their auras had never been this strong before.

Kyoko smiled brightly. "I was wondering, which bento did you like better? Me or Tsuna-kun's?"

Tsuna jerked and glared at her. "That's not a good question!" he said, arms crossing. "Besides, it's _my_ food that he likes best! Right?" He directed this last bit to Hibari. He beamed at him. "We're best friends, after all!"

Kyoko sniffed and threw another chopstick at Tsuna's face, which he dodged with a tilt of his head. "You're just jealous. Poop head."

A vein popped out on the brunet's head. "W-what?! I am _not - ! _At least I don't have cooties!" He stuck his tongue out and stamped his feet. "Cooties, cooties!"

"I _do not_ have cooties!"

Out of nowhere, Tsuna whipped out his own set of chopsticks. "Well I'm not a poop head either. Eat this!"

Hibari watched transfixed as chopsticks started being thrown from either direction. _Why do they have so many?_

As the ground and school building started cracking from the multiple sticks impaled into them, he could only come to one conclusion.

Sawada Tsunayoshi and Sasagawa Kyoko were their own brand of species.

It was the only explanation. _They weren't human._

A tiny drop of sweat rolled down his cheek as a chopstick barely razed his cheek. He twitched. The sacred elementary school building... the grounds... _his dignity..._

"I will bite you two to death."

* * *

"Sorry senpai…"

Both Tsuna and Kyoko looked like forlorn little puppies as they sat on either side of Hibari's hospital bed.

"I forgot you were there," Tsuna said sheepishly. He smiled shyly as his hands fidgeted uncertainly on his lap.

Kyoko giggled as she set a bento box on Hibari's lap. "Tsu-kun and I worked together to make you a get-well lunch!" She gave the bed-ridden child a kind smile.

Hibari stared suspiciously at the lunch on his lap. He still wasn't quite sure how he ended up in the hospital – he'd gotten a concussion somehow and a broken wrist – but it was certainly the fault of the two monsters in the room with him who had reverted back to their previous personalities.

Tsuna looked guilty and embarrassed, and Kyoko was just smiling with a hint of worry.

"We only destroyed the kitchen twice," Tsuna said proudly. "But that was only because Little Miss Suck-Up had to put the green onions in the omelet _after_ putting the mushrooms in."

"What?!" Kyoko pouted at Tsuna. "I only did that so the mushroom's taste wasn't lost! Besides, you're the idiot who thought frying the eggs right after the meat was a good idea."

"Yeah, so the egg could absorb the grease of the meat thus giving it a little taste."

"Hello_oo_, have you ever heard of salmonella?"

"Why you - !"

Hibari was already eating, ignoring the growing chaos around him.

(No need to turn the two monsters' attentions towards him. Again.)

* * *

_A/N:_

_ I forgot to mention this last chapter, but this isn't meant to be taken seriously. At all. **I mostly started up this story as a stress-reliever and a way to combat writer's block whenever it pops up. **So, uh, there is a high probability of really weird things in the future, like Kill la Kill weird. _

_Anyways, have you ever that **one friend** - it doesn't matter if it's your lover, your family, or other friends - but nothing should get between that relationship? Or a certain inside joke or something? There's no sense of romantic feelings on either sides, but you're just really attached to the person and they're the other platonic half of your soul. I consider my best friend this. ^^  
_

_She has a silly nickname for me and she almost tore her boyfriend's head off once when he called me that, to my surprise. Also, since I'm going into a dorm for college, she's been sending me morose looks and grumbling about my future roommates (I have two). I find it sort of adorable, yet she scares me sometimes haha. _


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: I should say again that this fic is **not** to be taken seriously. Anyways enjoy!_

* * *

_3: my spatula is bigger than yours_

* * *

For the first time in a long time, Reborn felt off-kilter. Like, really, _really_ off-kilter.

When he saw his new student hiding behind the wall when Sasagawa Kyoko appeared, he naturally assumed that the kid had a crush on her. Popular, pretty, sweet… well, it wasn't unexpected. Boys like Tsuna who were bullied, often latched onto the kindness from the first person it came from, and the files gathered on the kid said that the two were sort of friends.

So he shot the kid with a Dying Will bullet to get him to confess. He was going to beat (torture) the wimpiness out of this brat (one no-good student was enough, thank you very much). It was his job as a tutor, after all.

"REBORN! TELL KYOKO MY TRUE FEELINGS," Tsuna had shouted and ran after her in only his boxers. Reborn followed after, inwardly cackling and waiting for the scene to unfold.

"Kyaa!" Kyoko screamed, which was natural when a guy in only his underwear suddenly ran up to you. "T-Tsuna-kun?!"

"KYOKO-CHAN," Tsuna shouted and pointed at her. Reborn did a double take when a cold, cold smirk appeared on his new student's lips. "I HAVE ALWAYS FELT THAT YOUR COOKING WAS COMPLETELY INADEQUATE COMPARED TO MINE." Tsuna started laughing maniacally. "THIS YEAR'S CHEF NAMIMORI IS _MINE._ PREPARE TO GO DOWN, MISS SECOND PLACE."

Kyoko gaped. Reborn almost gaped. Then he froze when the girl threw her bag down and rolled up her sleeves, getting up in Tsuna's face with a frosty look.

She jabbed a finger in his chest with a dark glare. "This year's Chef Namimori is going to be _me_. I'm not going to lose again!"

"Oh? Wasn't that what you said last year?" Tsuna didn't seem to notice the change back to his normal state, the flame on his head going out with a wisp of smoke. Reborn wondered whether he should interfere but a quick look around saw people passing the two by without even a curious glance. So… this was a normal occurrence?

Having enough, Reborn jumped and kicked Tsuna in the side. The younger boy fell on the ground with a pained moan. Kyoko didn't even blink.

"Oh my," she chirped, expression brightening in a rather creepy manner. She leaned down so she was more at Reborn's level. "Who are you?"

"Reborn, the world's greatest hitman," Reborn said bluntly. "Tsuna is my student." Of course, Kyoko didn't look like she believed him but she gave him an indulging smile. But anyways, "What's your relationship to him?" It was to be said that Reborn didn't like being left out in the dark.

The temperature dropped a few degrees. The girl's smile faded. "Tsuna-kun is my rival," she said.

"….Rival?" Reborn sounded incredulous. Off to the side, Tsuna stood up, rubbing the rapidly forming bruise on his side and giving a teary-eyed glare at the hitman baby. Then he turned an accusing look at Kyoko.

"I was trying so hard to avoid you too," he hissed, bristling like an angry cat. "It's because you always try to start a fight that we're late for school all the time!"

"Me?!" Kyoko stood up and put her hands on her hips. "You're the one who started it this time!" She gestured at Tsuna's body, pointing out his lack of clothing. "Look at you! _Why are you naked?!_"

"The flames of my hatred for you burned my clothes off!" Tsuna screeched, flailing. It would not have sounded so ridiculous if his face hadn't gone so red in embarrassment….. Actually, no, it still sounded pretty ridiculous.

Out of nowhere, Tsuna pulled out a shiny spatula and Kyoko threw her bag to the side, pulling out one of her own.

_What the fuck?_ Reborn thought as he watched his new student and his rival (?) started battling it out in the middle of the street. _No seriously, what the fuck?_

Then, unmarked white vans pulled out to the side and several young delinquent looking teenagers wearing black gakurans and a pompadour hairstyle spilled out. _The Disciplinary Committee_, some part of Reborn's mind noted.

"Code four," one of them was saying into a mouthpiece with a grim expression. "I repeat, code four…. Also, Sawada-san needs a new uniform…"

Reborn twitched as a spatula neatly embedded itself into the wall, missing his face by inches. His lips thinned as a Committee member escorted bystanders safely out, one lady shaking her head and sighing. She muttered something along the lines of, _why if those two destroy the street again…!_

"Sawada-san, Sasagawa-san! Please stop this! Hibari-san is not going to be happy if you destroy this part of the town again! …And you're late for school…" another juvenile with a scar on his cheek shouted, obviously too frightened to get between the two fighting middle school students (and for good reason). He shrieked and dived to the side when some spatulas headed towards him.

Everything erupted into chaos. Tsuna roared a battle cry (_Fury of a Thousand Cranes!) _and Kyoko retaliated (_Shining Puuuuunch…!)_. Several Committee members were screaming, dodging the surprisingly sharp kitchen utensils.

At a loss for the first time in his life since becoming an Arcobaleno and fearing for his sanity, Reborn abruptly turned around and headed back to the Sawada residence, the sound of explosions and chaos fading behind him. He took out his cell phone.

"Iemitsu," he said coldly. "We need to talk…."

(And then there was that time when Reborn discovered that several insurance companies in and around Namimori had listed Sasagawa Kyoko and Sawada Tsunayoshi under the act of God)

* * *

_A/N: Don't we all wish hammerspace was real?  
_


	4. Chapter 4

_To **Frost:**  
_

_Thanks for your concern! I have been alright, if not a bit sleep-deprived. Well, it's nothing too bad, but writing humor helps me to vent a little. ^^_

_Er, so please enjoy this chapter! ...I'd apologize but it was too much fun. :D_

* * *

_ 4: So it turned out that the Vendice enjoys good cooking like everyone else._

* * *

"Kufufufu~" Mukuro could only give a mocking laugh when that animal of the Arcobaleno's spat out the gloves – Sawada's new weapons. He sneered. "You can't beat me," he said, taking a step forward. "Even with those hands – it doesn't matter! I will _destroy _the mafia, starting with you!"

The brunet stared at his hands, a new light of comprehension coming into his eyes. "I see," he whispered, seemingly not hearing Mukuro. He turned to Leon. "Thank you… I understand what I have to do now!"

Off to the side, Mukuro saw the Arcobaleno face-palming as Sawada stood up shakily. "You can still fight? I'm surprised." He twirled his trident, preparing for another illusion. "Kufufu!"

Burning orange stared into his own mismatched eyes. "I will do whatever it takes to protect my friends!" Sawada declared. "It looks like I have no choice but to use this technique…"

Oh hoh? Mukuro gave an amused chortle, although his tone was still cold. "Go ahead, mafia _**scum**_."

* * *

Later, Mukuro would have a hard time recalling what happened next.

Sawada pulled out something from his pocket. There was the pulsing of Sky Flames. Then the smell of something – something _heavenly_.

And then it was shoved into his mouth. Something _delicious_.

* * *

"Ugh," Mukuro groaned and sat up, blinking. "Where am I?"

He was sitting on something incredibly soft. Frowning, Mukuro looked down. He was surrounded by a fluffy white substance. He stood up and looked around. Everywhere… it was a soft blue. It actually looked familiar.

…_.Is it just me, or does it feel like I'm on top of a cloud in the sky?_

"My child," an old man in white robes suddenly appeared, standing in front of a beautiful, ornate, and very tall gate. "Come!"

Mukuro was not stupid.

He narrowed his eyes, and realized that his weapon was not with him. He shifted uncomfortably. "Who are you?"

The old man smiled gently. "My name is Saint Peter," he answered. "You have arrived here at the very entrance of Heaven, itself! The Pearly Gates!"

Were those sparkles? The self proclaimed Saint was _sparkling_, and – and, "DON'T FUCK WITH ME," Mukuro screamed, scrambling back, and fell over. He pointed a shaking finger at the old guy. "You! What are you?! Don't give me that 'Heaven' shit! I'm a mass murderer! And – what's that smell?"

The old man gave another sparkly smile, his eyes twinkling. "Heaven," he said and threw his arms out. The Gates slowly creaked open. And beyond it was –

"_Chocolate_," Mukuro breathed.

Mountains of chocolate. Chocolate everywhere. There was a _chocolate fountain_. He whimpered and crawled forward, reaching out –

* * *

" – _waking up!_"

Mukuro blinked. He was lying down on a hard ground and there were worried brown eyes hovering over him. "H-huh?" he muttered.

"Oh thank God," Sawada sighed with a smile. "For a moment there, I was afraid I lost you!"

"….Chocolate?"

"It's a good thing I had leftovers!"

Mukuro sat up, still dazed. Reborn was shaking his head and muttering, with a look of complete exasperation.

"What happened?" he asked. For some reason, he felt incredibly at peace.

Sawada beamed. "I knew Flames were great for cooking! But it's a dangerous technique – it makes the eater experience Heaven itself, so I rarely use it." Suddenly his eyes flashed and he burst into maniacal laughter. "Kyoko-chan has nothing on this! Ahahahahahaha!"

A chill went down Mukuro's spine and he broke out in cold sweat. _Sawada Tsunayoshi is dangerous…_

* * *

When Tsuna gave the Vindice some of his leftover lunch in return for Mukuro and his friends' – sorry, _minions'_ – freedom, the illusionist couldn't help but feel vaguely insulted.

_My body is worth a few scraps of food?!_

Although, Ken and Chikusa's whining was starting to get on Mukuro's nerves, so he finally accepted Tsuna's lunches in order to shut them up. He still felt wary about eating it after his _divine_ experience, but after getting an onigiri shoved into his mouth by the smaller boy, he thought he finally understood.

"Have you thought about marriage?" he asked Tsuna brightly, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Somewhere along the way, his goals switched from using Tsuna's body to take over the mafia world to using Tsuna's cooking to do it instead.

Reborn twitched and shot at the leering teenager.

* * *

And then Mukuro met Kyoko.

(There may or may not have been a few explosions involved – and kitchen knives. Very sharp kitchen knives.)


End file.
